THE BIG IDEA: Learn methods that allow us to handle it. Whatever “IT” is. Life has lots of “ITS.” We need to become stronger to handle these things or they will stress us out.
Becoming stronger doesn’t mean more serious. We can laugh in the face of danger and challenges like the Marvel hero Drax in Guardians of the Galaxy. Like the vikings of old who laughed at the North Wind that only made them stronger.
Strength isn’t only big biceps or the bullet proof mentality of a monk. It means you have the ability to handle things. To adapt and overcome as well as accept and bear the North Wind.
It’s about building resilience, confidence and self-esteem. You do this, so that you can stop running, fearing, retreating and trying to prevent disaster. You do this so your mind and body aren’t on a constant hamster wheel of anxiety and hypervigilant behaviour.
We can learn about what triggers us and what we want to stay away from. The things we like and what we don’t like. You can learn who you are as a person this way. It’s a good thing. But anxiety will remain unless you can handle challenges when things DON’T go your way.
If you can stop seeing challenges as a personal threat or a threat to your personal ease, then anxiety will fade. (We will talk about how to do this.)
You will feel confident and unafraid of the things you shied away from. Trying to control the uncontrollable in your surroundings causes stress. Knowing you are stronger than the chaos, gives you peace.
Become resilient, more able to cope. Get better at things. Learn first aid. Martial arts. Social skills. You get the point. You’ll care less about your surroundings being safe, comfortable and perfect. Because you’ll know how to deal with stuff. You’ll also care less what people think.
The info I’m sharing is what I learned from digging to find my own solutions. From looking at studies and trying the methods every day.
This is not doctor approved and I am in no way qualified to dispense therapy. I only want to convey information that has helped me live a higher quality of life. There is a lot of trauma out there which, makes the events of my life seem tame. I know this and do not want to pretend I know or understand some of the deep traumas people experience in this world.
I’m coming from a place where my brain and body were in a state of anxious hypervigilance. I was functioning, but it was hard on those around me and I was exhausted and constantly sought isolation.
I experienced losses, failures and abuses. They crushed my self-esteem and wired me in a fight or flight state for 22 years.
The place I felt best was in a room with the door closed. Noise cancelling headphones on, and listening to white noise.
The thing about trauma is that to each individual, their trauma is a heavy burden. It’s not comparative. What someone calls a normal childhood, another calls a war zone. The bottom line is that if you feel affected, then you need to try some things to feel better.
Here are some common stressors for people:
– High stress jobs where trauma is present.
– Death of those close to us.
– Watching death happen.
– Sexual abuse.
– Survival and financial loss.
– Bullying and physical trauma.
– Mental abuse and social embarrassment.
– Fear and indecision about the future.
– Lacking clarity and purpose.
– Repeating mental scenes from the past.
You get the idea. These are the areas that when stacked up can lead to a fear of life in general. A constant state of anxiety for things to be safe, secure, calm and peaceful.
Anxiety is combo of low self-esteem, fear, hypervigilance, hyper-awareness, inadequacy, rejection, worry and stress. It can manifest in the physical body and in your thoughts. It gets its power from your minds wiring and associations.
It’s a program that loops back and affects the program itself and the hardware.
It comes from tying traumatic events to the present situation. Or forecasting bad stuff into a possible future. It’s a divot in your gravity field and everything sort of gets sucked in by it’s influence.
Regardless, it still only exists in the nebulous inner universe of your brain. It gains or loses strength based on how you frame your reality and the events you experience.
To conquer the enemy, first you must seek to understand them…
For example. Here is some of the guerrilla warfare your mind can play.
The more you care about something, the more anxious you can be about it’s welfare. Empathetic people can feel anxious about others feelings, wants, desires, situations and wellbeing. They’ll have a hard time turning it off.
If you add hypervigilance to empathy, you have a great anxiety cocktail.
Let’s take a soldier with combat experience, who deep down is sensitive and cares for others… now let’s give him a child that has health problems. The switch is always on. Must protect. Have to catch all threats before they effect me or the ones I love. Must see and prevent every potentially bad situation.
Hypervigilance and hyperawareness are two traits of veterans. Let’s add a third…
You joined the military where you lost your identity to become a soldier. Then you lose your identity again when you get out. Your self esteem drops. You’re no longer a hero, a soldier.
Who are you and what good are you?
This triple threat of low self esteem, hypervigilance and hyperawareness can result in varying levels of anxiety.
Understanding the building blocks of this massive thing called anxiety, worry, stress and fear is the first step. It allows you to find methods of strength to build your resilience for future challenges.
Knowing what the enemy is, we can get on with developing our weapons of victory. These are self-confidence, self-esteem, calmness of mind, perseverance, persistence, focus and resilience.
One of the most reassuring things I’ve ever heard during a time of high stress and danger was, “We’ll figure it out.”
That was it. This lady said this to me and I felt like she had it covered. Whatever came our way… We’d figure it out. We’d handle it.