So December can bring on some anxiety…
Especially because anxiety is linked with people pleasing.
So here are a few thoughts about anxiety, people pleasing and a link to the full article below.
THOUGHTS FROM OTHERS:
“I cant tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” – Ed Sheeran
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu: Tao Teh Ching & Hau Hu Ching
“If you live for peoples acceptance, you will die from their rejection.” – Lecrae
THOUGHTS FROM ME:
People pleasers (PP) want to be well-liked, feel needed, appreciated and useful. Who doesn’t? But PP lack confidence and independent thinking because they try to predict others wants. Often, PP don’t even recognize they default to this. But they worry about disapproval and feeling guilt all the time. It’s become the default.
People pleasers do things in the hopes that others will be happy with them. They hope for some sort of gratitude, pay, appreciation or positive comment. The catch is that inside, they’re dying a little bit, all the time.
Because they hang on a hook of anticipation and anxiety.
Anxiety amplifies when you contemplate voicing your thoughts, wants or feelings. IE Confrontation DREAD.
…And the way to fix all this is (simplistically speaking drumroll)
Is by:
• Thinking about your own needs before defaulting to help mode.
• Before jumping to help, question what your motive is.
• If you truly want to help, expect ingratitude. This eliminates any anticipation and then possible regret.
• Wait for others to ask before helping (hard one)
• Ask others for a help. See if your people pleasing is reciprocated.
• Understand that you can be kind and caring without always saying yes.
So knowing all this, ask yourself, “Does thinking about changing my people pleasing ways cause anxious feelings?”
Why do you think that is? 🙂
Signing off until next time,
Ray
You can see the full articles on the website here: https://raymondburton.com/anxiety-comes-from-people-pleasing/
SOURCES:
PsycologyToday : People Pleasing